Hi Guys, I’m Coach Mimi and today I’m talking more about the F-TEAR Formula because it’s such a powerful tool for awareness.
I’ve been coaching a lot of people about their past recently and they’ve made great breakthroughs and become less burdened by the past when they’ve used the Formula for clarity. So let’s do that.
First of all, in order to use the formula, you’ll need to get specific about something that happened in the past, not lump all the past in together. So I’ll use John as an example. John failed his second semester of college, never graduated and hasn’t been able to let it go. He still beats himself up and believes he’s always failing in life.
So, using the F-Tear Formula I want to show you that this particular college semester goes in two separate formulas. John has a current formula where it goes in the top, the F-line. That semester is now a fact. He also has a past formula where that semester goes in the Result line. But let’s take the current formula first.
It’s now a fact that in John’s second semester of college his grades were F’s in each class and he did not continue college. The rest of that current formula looks like this: What he’s thinking about that semester now is: I’m a failure
Emotional Energy: shame
Actions: beats himself up, compares himself to others, holds back, doesn’t push himself to grow, doesn’t go for promotions or start his own business like he says he wants to.
Result: John’s life doesn’t have the success he wants. He basically creates more “failures” in his life.
So that’s the current formula. See how that works? That semester’s grades and the fact that he didn’t graduate don’t keep John from being a success, it’s his belief in that Thought that does it. Believing “I’m a failure” keeps him from creating success.
As John got clear about that formula he also saw that it’s a choice he has of whether or not to believe that thought, which was a huge Ah-ha for him. He thought it was a fact that he’s a failure, but it’s not.
Now, remember, there is also a past formula, where this semester goes in the Result line. So let’s look at that formula, now.
When we look at something that bothers us from our past we’re almost always just looking at particular actions from the past or the result. And we’re not seeing the rest of the formula; that those actions and results happened because of what we were thinking and feeling at the time.
So I asked John to tell me about that semester. It turned out that first there had been an issue with his textbooks and he didn’t receive them until the third week of class. He hadn’t borrow anyone else’s books because he thought he’d be fine to catch up. But then he received a message from his girlfriend, who had gone to a different college, that she had met someone else and was ending their relationship.
His main Thought about all that was: There’s no use trying.
Which caused his Energy to be: defeated. When he was feeling defeated his Actions were to: drink alcohol, watch TV, stay up late, sleep all day, don’t go to class, don’t take the tests, drink more, judge himself, beat himself up, focus on the failures
And the Result was: F’s in his classes, academic probation and ultimately not completing his degree.
So coming back to the current. As John had been looking back at that semester he hadn’t been seeing the whole formula. He hadn’t seen the power of that original thought: “There’s no use trying.” Or how defeated he felt. Thoughts are powerful when we don’t question them and we just believe them. He was believing “There’s no use trying.” so then of course he didn’t try. He couldn’t have acted differently without first thinking differently. And back then he had no idea how to think differently on purpose.
And this is what I really want to highlight here. When you’re beating yourself up for the past, recognize that there was an entire formula and particularly a powerful, default thought that created it.
Thoughts are powerful when left unquestioned. In that past formula his thought was, “There’s no use trying.” and in the current formula his thought was, “I’m a failure.” Both of those are not true, but believing them created results that John doesn’t like. The whole key is to have awareness of what we’re thinking, recognize that it isn’t true and change it to something that will get us better results.
So those are 3 steps for you to take away:
- Be aware of what you’re thinking. Like I’ve said before, I suggest writing out your thoughts on a piece of scratch paper so you can really see them clearly.
- Recognize that what you’re thinking isn’t true, isn’t a fact.
- Identify better thoughts that will allow you to get better results.
And speaking of results, look for an upcoming episode about how to use the formula to get the results you don’t yet have. That episode is going to be so helpful. You can get any result you truly want by using this formula.
Alright guys, that’s what I have for you today. Now that you have this awareness, you can stop beating yourself up for the past. Turns out it always came from how you were thinking.
I’m Coach Mimi and I’ll be here next time In The Good Guy Corner.