36. What To Do When Self-Doubt Stops You

It's common human behavior to start working on a new goal only to quickly be filled with self-doubt about it.  On one hand you're excited about the opportunity for something new and better but then the self-doubt stops you in your tracks.

Listen to this episode to find out the 4 steps to do when self-doubt stops you from moving forward.

For more help from Coach Mimi visit the website: thegoodguycorner.com

Transcript

Hi Guys, I’m Coach Mimi here with you In The Good Guy Corner for another helpful episode, right?

Yesterday I coached 5 different people who all had the same struggle. All of them were in the process of up-leveling their life by doing something new and challenging, working to achieve their goals and get better results; but now each of them were spinning in their own version of self doubt and overwhelm and frustration... And they were procrastinating and second guessing their ideas. And NOT moving forward. 

I see so many people with this same struggle. Seriously 5 just yesterday. So I want to help you out with this because, if you’re trying to uplevel your life or achieve some goals, it’s likely happening to you too. 

So here’s how it usually goes…On one hand you’ve got something you’re really excited to achieve and you’re willing to do the work it takes. Right?  You know this is a great idea. You know it will be challenging but you’re willing and ready to go. So you get started down that path and then it’s like out of nowhere you start questioning it and doubting it and finding all the reasons you won’t be able to achieve it. Your brain starts thinking things like:

“You’re not good enough.” 

“People won’t like it.” 

“This is too hard.”

“It’s taking too long.”

“You don’t know enough yet, you’re no expert.” 

“You’re not ready to do this.” and on and on and on. Right? Does this sound familiar?

So here’s how we work on this in a coaching session..and I’m telling you here, so that you can take these steps for yourself:

1st we write out those sentences so we can take a closer look at what your brain is offering:

“You’re not good enough.” 

"People won’t like it.”

“This is too hard.”

“It’s taking too long.”

“You’re no expert.” 

“You’re not ready to do this.”

2nd: Once we have them written out we look for anything that is protective;  we put a little “p” by those statements that are trying to protect you…protect you from other peoples opinions, protect you from effort, protect you from making any mistakes, protect you from failure, or protect you from discomfort OK…all those sentences that get you to stay in your comfort zone.  You’ll find out that almost all of the self-doubt sentences will fall into that category. 

So why does this happen? Well.. it’s basically the way our brains are wired.  We’ve all got a part of our brain that’s always wanting to save us and get us to stay in the comfort zone and not do new, uncomfortable things. 

We’re not going to get into the technical brain science behind it, you can google that, but I like to call it the primitive brain. So that’s also what the little “p’s” are for. Primitive and protective. 

This part of your brain is hyper focused on keeping you safe and has old wiring to believe that anything that makes you uncomfortable must be truly dangerous. So it offers you all the doubts and confusion to try to save you and get you to go back to the comfort zone/ back to the cave, so to speak.

So those first two steps again are: 1…write down the sentences and 2…but a little “p” next to everything that’s trying to protect you. 

Once you’ve done those two things you have some great clarity, but what do you do next…because afterall, those self-doubt thoughts are still there, right?.  So here’s the answer… let them be there without believing them or fighting with them. Too many people are assuming that if a doubtful thought shows up then it must be true and must mean they don’t really believe in themselves or their idea. NO it doesn’t. It’s just your primitive brain trying to save you from something that’s uncomfortable. So let them be there without believing them or fighting for them to go away.

There’s not going to be an off switch for your primitive brain, which turns out to be good because we do need that part of our brain when things are truly dangerous, so there’s no off switch, but there is a metaphorical volume dial. 

When we engage with those thoughts by either believing them and finding evidence that supports them or fighting with them/trying to get them to go away we turn up the volume dial… we give them a lot of power…they become louder.

So what we want to do instead…when we know we’re doing something uncomfortable because it’s new and outside our current comfort zone…we want to expect the protective thoughts to show up and expect the discomfort of the uncertainty or the vulnerability or the fear.  When we’re expecting it then we don’t get derailed by it. We can see it and say, “Oh thanks primitive brain you’re here to save me but I’ve got this. It’s not actually dangerous, it’s just uncomfortable. We’re fine, you can be here but you’ll go to the back seat, I’m driving, I’ve got this.”  

When we’re aware of it and letting it be there without fighting it or believing it then the volume automatically starts to turn down. 

Now, To be fair, sometimes the volume turns up first in a last ditch effort to save you again, but if you aren’t fighting with it or believing it, it’s going to begin to dial down. 

And that puts you in a great place for the 4th step; remember your WHY.

Why are you wanting this growth, this goal, this better result?  Why are you going outside the comfort zone in the first place?  When you remember your why, it’s very clear and strong and helps you get what you want, but it’s not going to be there on default until you’ve practiced it and remembered over and over.

So here are those steps again,

1. Write out the sentences you’re thinking about your goal. 
2. Put a little “p” next to all the thoughts that are trying to protect you from something.
3. Let them be there without believing them or fighting with them
4. Remember WHY you’ve got this goal in the first place and strengthen your thoughts about that.

OK guys.  That’s what I have for you today. I hope this gives you some clarity about your self-doubt and that it doesn’t have any power to stop you from achieving what you want if you follow those 4 steps.

I’m coach Mimi and I’ll be here next time, In The Good Guy Corner.