46. The Overlooked Secret to Feeling Better

Coach Mimi explores the overlooked secret to feeling better.  We often think it's simply doing an activity that we enjoy, but there's more to it that really matters.

She also covers the hidden reason why sometimes our favorite activities fail to make us feel better.

Awareness is power so get the awareness provided in this new episode.

For more help from Coach Mimi visit the website: thegoodguycorner.com

Transcript

Hi Guys,  I’m Coach Mimi here with you In The Good Guy Corner.

Today I’m shedding light on an overlooked and powerful secret about feeling better.

I want you to think for a minute about times when you’ve been feeling down or stressed or overwhelmed and then you’ve done something that made you feel better.

What do you like to do to feel better? Do you listen to music? Hang out with a friend? Go golfing or fishing? Have sex? Watch a movie?

I’ve got two teenage boys at home and they definitely think that the solution to everything is to play more video games.  What is it for you?

Identify two or three that have specifically worked for you.  When you want to feel better, what do you do?

Now here’s where we get to the part of all this that I’m spotlighting today; the hidden part.  There’s something most of us have been missing about each one of these things… and here it is… They all provide different thoughts for us to think.  Better thoughts to think.  

When you’re doing things you like, you are also thinking better thoughts… things like, “This is great, life isn’t so bad, I’m good at this,”

When it really gets down to it, this is the reason why these activities help us. They all offer better thoughts to think.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that there isn’t also inherent value in doing the things you like.  Being active, changing your pace, doing these other things are definitely important for a full life.  AND… the different, better thoughts they offer is a key part of the benefit they provide. I’m going to say that again.  The different, better thoughts that these activities offer is a key part of the benefit that they provide

 The truth is that when you’re feeling bad in the first place it’s coming from what you’re thinking. This is another thing that’s often overlooked to begin with. And unless you’re brand new here, you’ve heard me talk about this before. 

Please, please hear me that your thoughts matter, paying attention to them matters. Choosing them intentionally matters.  When you’re not paying attention to them and you’re believing the default, dragging thoughts, and then you do something you enjoy and feel better… you feel better because your thoughts changed. 

Let’s look at it from a different angle because I want to be clear that it’s not simply that you did the activity you enjoy, that made the difference, even though it might seem like it.   I’m sure you’ve had times in the past when something that normally works for you didn’t work like it was supposed to.  Sometimes that favorite song doesn’t work.  Sometimes the vacation doesn’t help.  Sometimes sex doesn’t provide what you had hoped.  

There are sometimes exceptions, when even your most trusted activities don’t make you feel better, and that’s all because of your thoughts. 

For instance, if you have sex but you’re thinking, “She’s distracted and she really isn’t into me” or if you have lunch with a friend and you’re thinking “Man he’s doing so much better than me,” or if you go golfing and you’re thinking “I can’t make any of my shots and I’m no good,” those activities are not going to help you feel better. It’s because of this overlooked secret. This is the key…it’s what you’re thinking.

The good news is that the more you become aware of your thoughts the more quickly you can intentionally choose the ones that are going to serve you better.  This is a superpower!

As I’ve been preparing for this episode I’ve noticed more and more places where we are offered better thoughts to think.  Earlier I asked you to think of 2 or three activities that have worked for you but here are some others just to increase your awareness.  

If you’re a religious person, a sermon or a scripture or a prayer invite different thoughts to think.

Conventions, motivational speeches, TED talks, courses, concerts, games, spending time in nature.

And here’s a surprising one…Even fortune cookies offer invitations for better thoughts, which is actually what makes them fun.  Have you ever had that happen, when you’ve gotten a fortune that you like and you suddenly feel better?  I recently observed that with a family member and a fortune cookie.  He immediately felt energized and uplifted when he read his fortune because of the thoughts it offered. It’s kinda crazy.  But that right there is the power of thoughts.

So all of these things provide us with invitations to think differently.  When they work to help us feel better, it’s truly because of the better thoughts we’re thinking and believing.

So that’s what I want to leave you with today.  Start paying attention to this.  When you’re doing something that makes you feel better, what are the thoughts you’re thinking?  Awareness is power that helps you access these better thoughts more quickly.  That’s your assignment…be aware of what you’re thinking.

I’ll be here with you next time In The Good Guy Corner.